It's funny.... I wanted to start this blog for me. A place where I can let my emotions and creativity run free! But to be honest...I have tried writing this VERY FIRST blog about 5 times now! A part of me wants it to be interesting, funny, thought provoking to whoever may read it so that it may be read on a continuous basis and then be spread world wide and I become this famous blogger who gets paid to write down her daily thoughts and opinions....
But lets face it-- that does not happen to ordinary people like myself. I need to step back and realize that I am writing this blog for ME, MYSELF, and I and that if people actually do start to read it and it gains a small following...well then thats awesome.
So here goes: Being a first time blogger I am excited about this choice I have made to start writing about how I feel and how encounters make me feel throughout my daily life. I decided to start this blog Friday morning while slurping my Salted Caramel Mocha Frapp. from Starbucks riding on the train. I just started thinking about my life and how stressed I feel at the moment and not having an outlet is making it all build up and I do not want to be the person taht flips out at work or takes it out on my husband.
What is happening in my life you ask that has me so stressed? Well in the last three months my husband and I have decided to pack up our life here in Texas that we have had for the past 8 years and move 33 hours away to Seattle, WA. Not so bad right? WRONG! I was also in the midst of switching jobs within my company and so excited about it! Furthermore, this wasn't an easy switch--- it had to be approved by my husbands work and so it was a "hurry up and wait" game to see if it would actually happen.
I've applied for a job, interviewed for a job, visited Seattle to decide if its a place I want to live, accept a position, decided I wanted to live in Seattle, wait for approval, turn down a position, put our house on the market, prepare our house for viewings, accept an offer in just 3 days of our house being on the market, try to find a rental in Seattle while we aren't there, prepare all of our bills for transfer (without an address to swtich to), cancel bills we do not need, find a moving company, look at a budget, start preparing my cat for a 33 hour drive, find temporary housing in Texas becuase we are closing 10 days before we need to start our drive, look for jobs in Seattle for myself, etc.!
With all of that happening, I froze our gym memberships. I had put so much time and effort in to getting in shape and now, when we do not even have a pot to cook in, it has gone to hell where I'll have to start all over in WA. This used to be my stress reliever! Or well no that isn't true. I did not NEED to go to the gym before to relieve stress. I went to get in shape and look good in my bikini for our vaca we had a couple months ago! And to fit back in to all of my jeans I had from the year Nate and I got married. Doesn't it suck to ahve all these nice clothes you cant fit in to anymore? And then you try them on and it is a reminder of just how much FAT you gained?!? Yay... #girlproblems #thatsucks!
I always tell my husband, whom I love to death, that if we were ever to be put on one of those game shows for couples where you have to work together to complete a task (you know, the ones where one person is doing as the other instructs), we would fail miserably! My husband and I work together well in many aspects of our lives together and are best friends, but we have 2 totally different personalities that it seems like to clash in complicated/stressful situations that need resolutions!
Just the other day we were in the garage. He was rearranging to it was in proper order for stacking our boxes for the movers. He says, "help me move this ladder". OK- sure no problem! I pick up the ladder and just stand there. Where do you want it? I'm thinking he wants to move it just next to the boxes on the ground so I'm pulling the ladder right and towards the floor while he is trying to lift it over head to put ON TOP of the ceiling high boxes?!? "Umm hunny, if you tell me WHERE YOU WANT THE LADDER I can help more efficiently!"
I am a "go with the flow" type person and Nate is a "lets think about every angle and all the negatives first" type of person. It can be complicated... let me tell you how much I am looking forward to this move being over so we can get back to our lives and having fun!!
Then to top it off, WORK. I have never been so miserable in a position in MY LIFE! And I used to work for a company where I had to call random people and try to sell photography packages!! We have had so much change in the past year and now are going through more change. Drama that you try to stay out of but pulls you in somehow even though you never asked to be in the middle.
I swear, at one point in my office the tension was so bad you could cut it with a butter knife!
I do not want to do my job anymore, hence why I had applied for a different one. But since declining the other position I have to endure mine until my last day. I know there is always more than what meets the eye when it comes to business and its changes but I do not see how upper level managment can make so many decisions without consulting the people who actual do the job? We had something that worked that now turned in to something that didn't work and they try to fix it by placing someone who still doesn't know what is going on!
I know I know, I'm going to be gone..what the heck do I care what happens!?!? I ask myself that all the time. I am just not built that way. I am someoen who CARES and always will. I want the best for my department as I have worked with many of these people for 7+ years! It is a very rewarding job if people CARE about what they do. But when you have random people pulling you every which way and turning your work life upside down in an instant, it is hard not to become disgrunteled.
I have always loved my job--- even during my periodic "ugh I dont want to be here" moments I have never minded coming to work! Now, I LOATHE getting up and coming in. I feel so chained not being able to be more a part of the changes and differences that are happening. Especially since my position is being eliminated I want to make sure that I leave behind helpful instructions and material so the job can continue to get done. BUT I find it a bit bothersome that I have reach out to everyone ASKING what they want from me! I'm not the one who is eliminating my role.
Sometimes I wonder how people got their roles to begin with.
SO to end this rant, I am very stressed and everything seems complicated at the moment. I never know if I am making the right decison, what is expected of me, is this HUGE change my husband I decided on together a good thing, am I going to be POOR and hate life, and yada yada yada.
If you read this entire rant of why I needed an outlet I appreicate it! Please note that I am not a writer nor have a budget for an editor so sometimes these blogs will have spelling and grammatical errors and may just be in random order. I am writing how my thoughts come to me!
Cheers and Lemon Pound Cake*